


I Will Always Find You

by attack_on_ao3



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Death, Emotions, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Memories, Mental Instability, Recovered Memories, Reincarnation, Sad, lots of emotions, mentions of Eren in other relationship, reincarnated, some blood, this hurt my heart to write sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2016-07-22
Packaged: 2018-07-25 23:55:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7552132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/attack_on_ao3/pseuds/attack_on_ao3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi remembered everything; remembered being trapped underground as a criminal, being recruited into the Survey Corps and fighting the titans. But most of all, he remembered Eren. Eren Jaeger.</p><p>His subordinate, his lover, Humanity's Last hope…</p><p>…his hope.</p><p>He remembered the promise they made to each other: that they would find each other. Always.</p><p>But that was another life.</p><p>And oddly enough, Levi was jealous of that life.</p><p>Because he had Eren.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Will Always Find You

**Author's Note:**

> This idea popped into my head one night, and I just dabbled with the idea a bit and my hands slipped and made it into a whole oneshot. Whoops.
> 
> Kind of sort of inspired by the show Once Upon a Time.
> 
> Honestly, this is pretty old but I recently rejoined the fandom again and this was kinda just sitting in my writing folder glaring at me so I decided to tweak it a bit (a lot) and finish it up, so there WILL be mistakes. In that case, PLEASE feel free to tell me! And also any constructive criticism/reviews/thoughts in general about this. I have been fiddling with this story for a while, trying to make sure it was just right, so I know there will be a few things that are off.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy this!

_Tears fell from his face onto the weak body that laid on the ground in front of him. The grass tickled the boy's cheeks as his body remained strewn across the dirt in the middle of the green field. There was a knife buried in his chest that went straight through the flesh and his heart, the silvery tip of the blade peeking out from the other side. Blood seeped out of his various wounds, carrying his life along with the scarlet liquid. There was a thick layer of steam around him, trying to heal the lacerations, but the blow to his heart was too fatal._

_He still had a smile on his face. That tender, affectionate smile, even though he knew this was the end, albeit it was tinged with sadness. His eyes remained a beautiful shade of turquoise, not even dulling as his life slowly faded away._

_His soft smile couldn't disguise the tears that rolled down his cheeks and splattered onto the dirt between the grass blades. He gingerly lifted his hand to caress the face of the man kneeling beside him._

_Salty droplets continued to leak out of the man's grey eyes and drip onto the boy's red-stained uniform. His hands gripped the handle of the blade lodged in the boy's heart tightly._

_"I'm so sorry, Eren. Just don't die," the man said between sobs and shuddering breaths._

_"I love you, Levi. It's not your fault, okay?" the boy said, wiping the tears running down the side of the man's face with his thumb as his lips stayed in that soft, sad smile._

_The man's heart hammered as he watched his lover slowly grow weaker. "Please, don't go. Everybody else has already left. You can't leave me behind, too!" the man cried. He didn't want to look at the boy's face. He didn't want to see his tender and forgiving smile. He didn't want to see the way his eyes continued to sparkle from the sunlight coming from the horizon._

_"I love you."_

_He took one last deep breath, his eyes fluttered closed, and he stilled, the muscles in his body loosening._

_"Don't go!" the man yelled desperately, hands leaving the hilt of the sword in favor to cradle the boy close to his chest. He continued to cry and shout at the sky—at whoever was listening._

_He lashed out at fate for making him fall in love with the boy he was ordered to kill._

_His shouting turned into quiet sobs, but the tears didn't stop flowing._

_He eyed the patch emblem on the boy's left breast pocket of his tan jacket, which now had the blade pierced through it._

_More tears started to overflow from the brim of his eyes._

_"I will find you. I will always find you."_

___________________________

 

Levi's eyes shot wide open, only to find the feeling of wetness on his cheeks. Cold sweat trickled down his face and neck and dampened the rest of his body. His sheets were tangled between his legs and his black hair was plastered to his forehead.

He sat up, his heart racing and his breaths still shallow and quick as he untangled himself from the cool sheets. He stumbled on his way to the bathroom, his mind replaying the scenes in his head.

The nightmares had been occurring every week—frequency changing every time—ever since he could remember; when he was just a kid. Not only that, but he's also had many other dreams including man-eating giants and blood, but the boy with the sea-colored eyes plagued most of them. This nightmare was just the most common one.

He's tried to speak to people about it, but they simply just brushed it off with words like _delusional, insane, hallucinations, mental illness_ ; whatever suited them.

After constantly hearing harsh words being thrown at him all his life—calling him crazy and mad—he started to believe it too; believe that his head was messed up.

But that was before he met Eren for the second time.

It was the morning right after he had had the nightmare for the third time that week. It was a Saturday in the middle of September and Eren was a senior in college by the time Levi had stumbled upon him. Levi had been sitting at a picnic table in the park with his laptop on the wooden table, his fingers dancing furiously across the keyboard as he typed up a document for his job.

It was around three in the afternoon when he heard the sound of footsteps approaching, followed by a _thump_ as somebody sat on the other side of the dark green wooden bench.

He didn't look up—he didn't even hesitate as he continued to tap away at his laptop for a few minutes. They sat in comfortable silence, only for it to be broken by the laughter of children playing on the grass.

Suddenly, the sound of _'Linked Horizon'_ rang in the air, accompanied by a quiet buzzing. Levi stopped for a second but decided to ignore it after he had realized it was the phone of the person sitting on the other side of the bench at the picnic table. He continued to slave away at his laptop, all the while without looking up from the screen.

Until a voice replaced the music.

"Hello? No—… I'm just sitting in the park—… Fine, fine… Yeah… Yeah, okay. I'll be home in twenty. Love you."

Levi stayed frozen with his fingers hovering above the keyboard, his mind still processing the sound of the voice he had heard.

He sat there, staring blankly at the screen, pushing down all the hope that was threatening to rise.

That voice was just God being cruel and it was just some random stranger with a voice very similar as the one that belonged to the boy he had fallen in love with.

No. All those memories— _hallucinations_ —weren't real. No, he was just insane. That boy was just a figment of his imagination. He typed away at his keyboard, not wanting to dwell on the painful feeling of disappointment in his chest.

___________________________

 

The next week, Levi returns to the park. The hopeful thought of the boy returning as well was pushed into the back of his mind before it could spread. It wasn't the boy from his visions, he convinced himself. And even if it was, it was unlikely for him to come again today. And he would probably think Levi was crazy if he ever told him about his dreams. He would rather deal with the disappointment now rather than when his hopes got too far.

He was sitting at the same picnic table as the week before, when he heard a familiar pair of footsteps grow louder as the person grew nearer. He heard the person sit on the same side as Levi, and Levi contemplated whether he should look or not. He was hoping he would be greeted with a smile only he could do that always made his heart melt, but he was also secretly hoping he would just see an unfamiliar face. He would finally get it drilled into his head that all the scenes created by his imagination were just that. His _imagination_.

He turned his head.

The boy was sitting with his back against the table, his elbows which were covered by a blue long-sleeve shirt rested on the tabletop as he leaned his head back to look at the cloud-filled sky. The sun shown behind the profile of the figure, causing all the bumps and curves to be highlighted by a pale yellow.

But Levi couldn't mistake those blue-green eyes.

His breath hitched and his fingers stilled in the middle of a word on his document. His heart clenched so tight it was almost physically painful as it started to beat faster and faster. He felt like he could cry right then and their; after all these years of searching for something he convinced himself wasn't real. It was real and it was _there_.

"Eren." It came out barely a whisper, but the boy next to him heard it anyway and snapped his head around.

He stared at the raven-haired man, taking in all his features, his eyebrows furrowed. He sat up properly and continued to scan the man's visage, until his own face molds into confusion.

"I'm sorry, have we met before?" the boy asked with general confusion. Levi's heart pinched again, but he keeps his face blank.

He shouldn't have come here.

"No. Sorry, I thought you were someone else."

The boy nodded. He didn't look entirely convinced, but he just went back to his previous position and continued to stare up into the sky with his beautiful Caribbean eyes.

___________________________

 

Hanji's enthusiasm drove him up a wall and his head had started hurting from her constant chattering.

He needed to get out of there.

He thought about going to the park, as he did every weekend for the past couple of months, but pushed the idea away.

He went to the library instead.

___________________________

 

After going for the library for several weeks, he decided he didn't like being caged within the walls. Reminded him too much of the feeling of constantly being forced to hide in a prison. Reminded him too much of the boy who fought too hard to pick the lock.

He sat at his usual picnic bench. It had been a month since he had last sat there—a month since his boring routine was interrupted by a bright-eyed boy from his imagination—but he was immediately filled with serenity as he listened to the fall leaves being blown across the grass and the birds singing in the background.

He liked this much better than the library.

It was yet another Saturday spent tapping away furiously at his laptop because he had no social life outside of work, and he needed to get it done.

And it was yet another Saturday spent with a boy sat on the other side of the bench at the picnic table. A boy that Levi refused to believe was real.

After a few minutes of them sitting in silence, the person next to him breaks it.

"Say, who did you think I was?"

Levi glanced to the side to see him sitting in the same position he was in a month ago; the last time he had seen the boy. Levi quirks one eyebrow in confusion, then he realized what the boy was talking about.

_He was always a bit nosy._

"An old friend," he answered quietly and turned back to his laptop. He didn't want to be reminded of the aching in his chest that had just become stronger as the hope that refused to die kept growing, only to be slapped by disappointment.

"I see."

They leave it at that.

___________________________

 

"My name's Eren, by the way, but apparently you knew that already," the boy said with a small grin as he held his hand out to shake Levi's own.

 _But you’re not_ my _Eren._

Levi looked at the boy and didn’t respond, but instead looked at him with a blank expression. He wanted to talk to him, but his throat closed. He didn’t want to know what would happen if Eren didn’t recognize his name. He new he would just be faced with disappointment. He then glanced at the hand offered to him distastefully and didn't shake it, because he knew he wouldn't be able to let go.

He expected the boy to frown at his rudeness, but instead, he shocked him by grinning wider. He twisted his body back into his usual position and chuckled.

"What's so funny, kid?”

He chuckled a bit louder at that.

"You just remind me a lot of someone I know," he said, a tender smile plastered to his face. His eyes suddenly became distant as got lost in though.

Levi wished he could see that smile more. He almost never smiled in their first lives, because there was rarely ever a reason to smile. The amount of losses he suffered and being weighed by all of humanity's hope was a big burden to live with.

But he smiled when he was with Levi.

He winced at the memory and let out a quiet, shuddered breath, not loud enough for the boy next to him to hear.

Maybe he had a chance.

___________________________

 

The next weekend, Levi returned to the park. It had become a weekly ritual for both him and the boy. Levi let his hope grow just a bit at the sight of him appearing at the park once again.

"You didn't bring your laptop this time," the boy noted aloud. "What are you writing?" he asked as he attempted to subtly look at the paper placed on the table.

"A letter.“ He was moving back to France in a few days, so he needed to finish the letter by today. He would have done it earlier, but he didn't have any idea what to say, but now it was almost complete.

The boy perked up a bit. "To whom?”

"I'll tell you later.”

The boy replies with an indignant 'humph,' and remained silent for a few seconds before his voice replaced the chirping of the birds in the distance once again as Levi finally finished his letter.

"You should do something else. It's a nice day. Come on, let's go for a walk," he said with a smile that made his eyes crinkle. The light glowing from the sunset hit the blue-green orbs at the exact right angle to create the illusion that they were twinkling. Levi just nodded and capped the pen and put it in his breast pocket. He folded the letter evenly and deposited it in his front right pocket. He could finish it when they came back from the walk.

They strolled in a ring around the park, the boy swinging his arms with a small smile on his face.

He initiated conversation first, which was common in the past. He spoke about his life on campus, fun or interesting things he had done with his friends— _who all had the same names as the ones in the 104th Trainee Squad, Levi noted_ —his family— _no mother, father who travelled too much, and an adopted sister, just like the past_ —and other trivial matters about whatever came to mind. He was enthusiastic and expressive, his eyes showing every single emotion he was feeling. He was a lot like his previous self, except with a lot less anger. He was happier in this life. That made Levi both a bit dejected and glad that he was doing so well in this life without him. But Levi should stop being so selfish.

He pretended to pay only half-attention to the boy's rambling, adding a short comment here or there, but he was content with just letting him do the talking. By the time the boy finished, they'd done three laps around the park.

It was refreshing, being able to talk to him again after all these years. It made Levi's heart pound with disbelief and excitement.

Comfortable silence ensued, and usually Levi would have liked the silence, but there was a question he needed to ask first.

"Who do I remind you of?" he asked, keeping his face impassive.

The boy was visibly caught off guard, taking a few seconds to properly think of the question. He paused, mulling it over.

"You wouldn't believe me," he said with a sheepish grin. Levi's heart began to pound faster in anticipation.

"I'm not getting any younger here, idiot”” he replied, keeping a straight face in order to hide his excited nervousness.

“You remind me of a guy in my dreams," he answered hesitantly with the same sheepish smile.

Levi halted in his tracks, and looked the boy in the eye. "What were they about?" he asked, anxiety creeping up in his mind. _What if it really was Eren?_

"They were pretty weird. They had like these giant man-eating monsters… Ugh sorry, I probably sound crazy right now. But the guy acted a lot like you. But now—"

"Eren!"

The duo turned their heads around simultaneously, and were greeted by a man who was shorter than Eren—but still taller than Levi—with short brown hair and grey-blue eyes. He had narrow eyes and a thin nose, features that rivaled Levi’s. Eren's face immediately lit up and his grin grew as it turned from sheepish to genuine.

“Hey! We were just talking about you,” Eren told the man as he approaches. He continues to smile, even when the man puts an arm around him, holding him to his side slightly possessively.

_What?_

“Oh yeah? What about me?” the man asks teasingly to Eren with a grin on his face.

“How you’re the man from my dreams, is all,” Eren said with a slightly mischievous grin. “He’s just like the guy I was talking to you about, Levi, the one that you kind of reminded me of.” Levi winced slightly at this, but Eren didn’t take notice and kept up his happy expression.

The man furrowed his brows slightly, and the corners of his mouth curved downwards and he turned towards Eren. He spoke to him in a low voice, “don’t talk about that stuff with people. It should only remain between the two of us.”

Eren’s grin disappeared and transformed into a small frown. After a moment, he rotated his head directly to Levi and his smile returned, obviously trying to move past the awkward moment between him and the man.

“I should probably introduce you two. Levi, this is Jack. Jack, this is Levi,” Eren said, the grin on his face big and bright.

_Jack? Who the hell is Jack?_

“Ah, nice to meet you,” Levi said stiffly, sticking his left hand out, his right hand in his pocket where his letter resided, as if protecting it.

Jack smiled and replied with a “you too” and stuck out his left hand as well, firmly shaking Levi’s hand. As Levi shook Jack’s hand, something shiny caught the setting sun’s light, causing the item to gleam brilliantly.

His eyes darted down and his mouth suddenly turned dry.

There was a gold band on Jack’s hand.

 _He could be married to some random other person,_ Levi tried to reason with himself.

He was still holding Jack’s hand when the panic Levi felt screamed at him to check Eren’s left hand. The hope inside of him trying to push itself to the top above his pessimism.

But that hope was immediately crushed when he saw the same band on Eren’s hand.

Levi let go of Jack’s hand like he had just touched fire and composed his expression again so that he didn’t look even the slightest bit of confused, hurt and panicked.

Jack and Eren looked at him quizzically as he cleared his throat and adjusted the collar of his button up, feeling as though he was being choked by it.

“I have some errands to take care of, and if I don’t leave right now, I’m not going to have time. So, take care, brat,” he said with a strained voice, the hand in his pocket balled up in a fist, crushing the letter he was writing earlier.

He immediately turned around and began to walk briskly away before either of the two could reply with anything. He couldn’t bear to look at the happy couple, Jack’s arm around Eren, the boy he had been looking for years.

Decades.

Centuries.

_Lifetimes._

Eren remembered the dreams, but not Levi.

And here he thought he was important to him.

The pain stabbed him straight through the heart, the pain traveling up to his eyes where tears threatened to fall. He grimaced and scowled, the salty drops sliding down the sides of his face. His right hand exited his pant pocket, still clutching the letter with a fierce grip. He looked down at his tight fist, not knowing what to do with it after seeing what he just saw. He didn’t want to ruin the boy’s life of blissful ignorance just because he was selfish. He obviously had moved on from him. He was happy without him.

He was leaving Levi behind.

Levi choked back sobs as he continued walking towards the end of the park where the roads were. His shoulders trembled as he thought of the boy laughing, living happily without him.

 _Why?! I loved_ —love— _you, and I thought you did too, Eren. Why did you leave me behind?! We were supposed to find each other and fall back in love all over again._ His thoughts were so clear in his mind, he wondered if he had shouted it out loud, but the pain was too overpowering he couldn’t find the energy to care if he had.

But the voice in his mind quickly turned louder, harsher. _This is your fault. You got your hopes up. You’re insane. Those were all hallucinations; you were stupid to actually believe that they were real. You deserve this. You’re a crazy, selfish bastard barely clinging on to reality. You needed this to slap some god damn sense into you. You’re a pathetic fucking loser._

Salty rivulets fell freely onto the sidewalk as he broke into a sprint. The boy was right there, right within his reach, but he was continents away all at the same time. What he wanted most was being dangled right in front of him, but he couldn’t have it.

Levi reached the crosswalks by the park and ran across the street without noticing that the light had turned green.

Bright yellow lights blinded his vision, the sound of a car horn piercing the air.

He kept running.

___________________________

 

Eren completely stilled after Levi had left, processing the man’s words.

“Brat,” he repeated wistfully.

He almost wanted to laugh. He really was an idiot.

A simple nickname. A simple fucking _nickname_ is what made him realize that he was wrong all along.

The images of the man he’d falsely replaced with the one who was currently holding him tightly and caressing him became clearer now.

“Levi…”

He could remember the kisses they shared, the soft and sweet words only meant for each other.

“Levi.”

He could remember the strong love he felt for him. For that man and that man only.

Before, all he could remember were parts of the personality of the mysterious man that plagued his dreams, and certain characteristics of his appearance. That’s why when he met Jack, he thought he was the one.

That he was the one he loved so dearly.

He knew now. He knew for _certain_ , that he had met the right person.

“Levi, Levi, Levi,” he said as the memories began to flood his mind. He pried himself out of his husband’s arms and ran in the direction the raven had went. He heard his husband call after him, but just ignored it. All he wanted was _Levi_.

If he was completely honest with himself, he loved the man he was married to, yes, but he’d been with him just because of a false hope. He had gotten into the relationship because he believed he was the one from the blurry memories that filled his head. He thought that he just couldn’t remember, which was why he acted somewhat differently. Eren held on to the relationship because he believed that one day everything would fall back into place, and their love would become just as strong as before.

He was ignorant and selfish.

So, so _stupid_.

He continued to run in the same direction as Levi had escaped in.

He finally came to where the roads were, and slowed to a stop on the sidewalk.

He was snapped out of his thoughts and shouts when he really took in the sights and sounds of his surroundings.

The shrieking sirens.

The ambulances and paramedics.

The police cars and policemen

Stopped cars.

 _No_.

Eren just stood there, his mind racing.

_You’re being stupid again. It’s obviously not him. What are the fucking chances?!_

He finally got himself to move his legs and push through the crowd that was surrounding the scene.

He spotted a head of short black hair between the bodies of paramedics.

_Stop freaking yourself out. It’s not him!_

He sped up, now trying to make his way through the wall of the emergency responders, hearing the shouts from them telling him to back up and that he couldn’t be there. He felt the shoves trying to force him away, but he was stronger. More determined.

“I just need to know who it IS!” he cried as he finally was able to shoulder through the group, being met with a whole new sight that he knew he wouldn’t be able to forget.

“L-Levi…”

Eren stared at the still body. He was lying on his side, a pool of blood growing around him. There were big bloody scrapes all over him, his previously clean and crisp white button up shirt now dirtied by the ground and his own blood. He had a piece of paper still held tightly in his right hand, as if he never planned on letting go.

Eren’s eyes welled up, tears spilling over him like giant waterfalls and he fell to his knees by the body. “It was you…all this time. And you never even bothered to _tell me?!_ You fucking _idiot_! I’ve been waiting for so _long_ , and when I finally meet you, you don’t even tell me?! I married some random guy because I thought he was you! Why did you do this to me?!”

Eren reached out to Levi, who was looking pale and fragile. He didn’t look like the strong man that Eren remembered him as. He looked weak.

He picked him up slightly, resting Levi’s head on his lap, the lifeless eyes staring up at Eren. The grey storm that once resided in those eyes now dulled. Eren sobbed violently as he gently closed Levi’s eyelids, wanting him to look more peaceful. He looked at Levi’s hand which held the letter and pried the fingers apart so he could hold it. He unwrinkled it so that it was still folded but no longer crumpled up. On on side of the letter, it read one thing.

 _Eren_.

He didn’t dare open, but instead stuffed it in his pocket, his hand fumbling from the trembling. He continued to gasp and struggle for air as he cried, gently cupping Levi’s cheeks as he bent down to kiss his forehead.

“I will find you again. I will always find you.”


End file.
